Part 11 – Welcome to critical care
A father’s love
I had now started to make some progress since being woken from sedation which was a huge sign of relief for my family. So far that my dad started to change within himself as he could see that I was starting to show signs of recovery.
I’ve been told that since my aneurysm ruptured my dad started to deteriorate physically. My dad has a neurological condition which affects his nervous system and when under undue stress it can affect him rapidly.
It got to the point where he couldn’t drive to the hospital, his eyes became swollen and his whole demeanour, posture and physical strength started to go into deterioration and he had rapidly aged within this short period of time.
My niece said that you could see a physical manifestation of his pain and heartache and that just looking at my dad was enough to make anyone cry.
When I talked through what had happened with my niece she told me that my dad would often poke at my feet to see if I would react and when he didn’t see any movement it really started to eat away at him.
Other than the obvious reasons my dad was also worried that I’d be left with a long-term disability and even more so because his mum, my grandmother had a stroke and was left unable to use her hands or feet or even speak for the rest of her life, so I can understand my dad’s concern.
Plus it also re-surfaced traumatic memories for my dad, as has was rushed to hospital nearly 25 years ago where it was discovered that he had Guillain–Barré syndrome, a rare but serious autoimmune disorder.
He later told me that when he was sick the doctors told him…
“You will eventually get better, but before you get better it’s going get a lot worse.”
Apparently the doctor said those exact words to my dad about me…it was as if history was repeating itself. And at that point I can only imagine the worry that was going through my dad’s head, as was he was the only one who truly knew what lied ahead of me….
Finally there were signs of movement! So when my dad saw that I could move my hands and my feet he said;
“I’m happy now, that’s good enough for me and anything else that improves is a bonus.”
The next 3 days…
I have no memory of what happened over the next 3 days after being woken out of sedation. My first fuzzy memory was on Friday when my friends Natalie and Mirelle came to see me.
My first memory
Everything I have told you in my last 3 blog posts has been an account of what happened through my families eyes, now it’s back to me.
So as I mentioned earlier my last memory was when I went to bed on Saturday 13 May 2017, then my first memory after that was on Friday 19 May 2017 on the critical care ward. I just have a vague memory of looking at the end of my bed and seeing my friend’s Mirelle and Natalie.
“I remember saying what happened to me? And Mirelle saying you’ve had an aneurysm…I then replied what’s that?”
So as you can see the short-term memory loss was still there.
Other than that I don’t remember anything else other than my friends bringing me some magazines and fruit juice. I asked Mirelle what had happened and she told me that when she arrived my mum was massaging my right foot due to loss of sensation and poor circulation. Mirelle then took over from my mum and massaged my feet and Natalie fed me jelly and ice cream.
I have no memory of this whatsoever…when Mirelle told me this I just sat and cried at the thought of my friend’s coming to see me and doing such simple things that were a huge help to me at the time!
I couldn’t even feed myself at that point. Being told this was a realisation for me of the severity of what I had been through because in my head I thought I had recovered a lot before having any visitors…obviously this wasn’t the case!
Thank you to you both for your continual support throughout this difficult journey, I love you.
My family and friends
I’ve had the support from many family members near and far, especially my cousin’s Selena, Mel, Candice, Lauryn, Christina, Gemma and my friends both near and far which I am forever grateful for.
Thank you Lou for your support and video calls with little Sofia from across the pond, you really brightened my day, and for my coconut body set, it brightened the mood of everyone on the ward. When I used it…one lady said;
“I could just close my eye’s, smell and I’m on holiday.”
If only…thanks for the escapism, it really helped and not just me! Lol
I was very fortunate to have family and friends visit me over the course of my time in the hospital, when I think back I was so lucky to have them around me and to support me during such a difficult time.
I have to mention my good friend Cath who I’ve been friends with the past 19 years, wow that makes me feel old! She’s always been there, through the good times and the bad times.
She drove roughly a 120-mile round trip while not being very well just to see me and sit by my bedside. I probably saw her for less than an hour in total and I can’t really remember what we spoke about.
I’ll never forget the effort you made to come and see me Cath and for your continual support. Words just aren’t enough to express my gratitude. I’m forever grateful, I love you!March 28, 2018 7:30 pm